søndag 28. november 2010


he asked me if we could meet this christmas. i feel impatient. he was freezing, i almost put my arms around him. he makes me giggle like a fourteen year old

he keeps saying my name, i love to hear him say it. i am insecure i´ll read to much into it, in to him, but i cant help looking forward to every day i know ill see him again

every sound he makes, every look he gives me, every accidental touch between us, every single word exchanged. it makes me so impatient. i want to know if this is for real

it is hard being impatient when the best thing to do is be the opposite

and while sitting in the reading hall he sent me a text saying he´d love to kiss me outside in the snow. and i almost died


so i told him i had been admiring him form a distance the whole semester. he told me he had wanted to get to know me for a long time. we were standing outside a cafe alone in the snowing winter cold and i could barely keep on my feet when he leaned over and kissed me

i leaned up against the wall and he held me while he kissed me. my whole body just gave in, and when done kissing he looked at me and said; thank you for a fantastic evening. and i said god you're great. just like that


mandag 22. november 2010

for real?

as i walked past you i mentioned i was leaving, i went and said goodbye to the others and when i finally walked down the stairs you were standing there waiting for me. i thought you had left, you said. well i didn't, i answered

we walked together across the park, you asked me so many questions, i was nervous. we laughed, i wanted to touch you. you looked at me, i wanted to tell you how i felt

waiting feeling longing knowing hoping looking thinking wanting

you sat right across from me, and i was surprised how easy it was to talk to you, i worried if i had something between my teeth, and when i had to go the other way i heard you whispering my name after me

i had no idea you knew my name


søndag 21. november 2010


you called me up and told me goodbye. i had to have known this was to good to be true, i had to have known i was just being seduced again, by you. i am through, and i am surprised  how easy it as been knowing that you are no longer part of my life. maybe it is because you said you wanted to be, and i shut you down. i don´t know

but i opened the café door, stepped out on the sidewalk and i felt a bit lighter, it was freezing cold, but i reached in my bag for my camera, and took a picture of my shoes touching the asphalt. i liked the smell in the air of winter and i didn't dread the thought of facing it without you

when i got to the faculty i met green in the cafeteria. i have never spoken to him before. he smiled, he asked if i wanted to eat with him. i could hardly hear what he was saying because his lips and eyelashes and dark lovely hair just put me out of play

so i sit here, look over to his chair every ten minutes, try to look as if i am concentrated, have a sip of water now and then, feel my heart pounding extra fast every time he walks by. i can recognize his walk just by the sound of it, and i find myself wondering if we would have worked, if he´s a nice guy, or just another one of those who will step on your heart without thinking twice

ph: here

torsdag 11. november 2010


love this still from the film Three (1969). wow she looked so great when she was young. still does

ph: here

tirsdag 9. november 2010


so you stepped into my life all over again. for the thousandth time. yesterday i walked past your house again, this time i rang your doorbell, you answered sounding happy. and i entered your little universe again. your shirts, your smell, your cigarette-lights in the darkness across the room. i don't know how long i can stand it for

being yours but not entirely. again

i´m sitting here, in the city. all the chandeliers are lit up, and i play the same record over and over again. i love and hate the winter at the same time. love how it makes people so appreciative of the ones they love, lives aren't just fun in the sun anymore, and hate how it makes loneliness a million times harder to handle

and i hope that maybe, just maybe you will appreciate me for real this time, even though my subconscious keeps telling me that i am just being fooled again. deep down i have no idea if i can ever trust you. dirty socks, empty ashtrays and forgotten words, thats what i´ll be left with if you shut me out again. but then it will be for the last fucking time

søndag 7. november 2010


i avoided the party because i knew you would be there, i kept convincing myself i was getting over you, i tried my best not to daydream of you, your laughter, your touch, your energy. i did all the things everyone told me would help, got drunk, danced night after night away, kissed and admired others. i told myself i was managing this

when i woke up saturday morning you were standing on my doorstep. it was so cold outside and i opened the door only wearing my morning gown. and you looked like someone from a movie, with your hat, your cigarette and your long coat. i looked into your eyes and started crying

and it was as if i had been acting for such a long time, trying to convince myself i was doing ok. you wrapped your arms around me and whispered that you felt it too. and i couldn't feel the freezing cold anymore, all i could feel was your hands caressing my back, and your kisses on my forehead

ph: here

onsdag 3. november 2010

tirsdag 2. november 2010


one night we decided to leave town for a little while. we got in your tiny little boat, filled it up with blankets, books, red wine and vanilla biscuits. i had my yellow flip flops on and was scared to death of jellyfish

we made it out to a small island just two hours away. there were no people there, no wind, no lights, no expectations. and we spent the entire night lying on our backs, smoking, reminiscing, admiring the sky while discussing all sorts of heartbreaking subjects

i remember waking up at sunset, and i watched as the rays of light filled our little space more and more. you looked so sad while you were sleeping, and i wondered if i could ever love you the way you loved me. i kissed your eyelids to wake you up, and that sleepy old look you had on is still impossible to forget


ok, so i´ve stared at you from afar the whole semester. admired your walk, your features, your glasses. i strategically place myself behind you on lectures, just to find myself daydreaming of your neck and how amazing it must smell

i feel fourteen again

lørdag 30. oktober 2010


a few years after our brake up, you started texting me again. you wanted to meet, and i suggested we´d meet at the beach. it was early september, warm days and cold nights. i got there first, i went to the highest rock and sat down on top of it, yellow sky and quiet sea

i heard your footsteps behind me and i hesitated to turn around, you sat down next to me without saying a word. we were the only people there. i looked at you, i felt noxious. you stared at me for a few seconds and then you started talking about your last few years, how they had been so turbulent. and i had to remind myself over and over that kissing you was a bad idea

you lit a cigarette, i didn't want one. i told you that i had thought about you a lot. you asked if we could ever be something again. we both knew that it would never work. and i watched you smile again, smoke again, laugh again. and i battled the wish to touch you again, kiss you again, love you again

the yellow light made sure you looked your best. you answered all my questions, i felt like i had never really known you. your hair, your neck, the energy around you, the sun, the waves, a feeling of doing something illegal. i had no idea that it was so easy to suddenly find myself in the middle of it again, in the middle of you

torsdag 28. oktober 2010

reading hall romance

ok, so i spend these days at the university. reading, trying to reflect. and just a few days ago i noticed you across the room. you make me look forward to every single day a bit more than usual. you have the nicest smile and you send me looks that i know are only meant for me

i love how you look so into what you're studying

the books, the stolen stares, your leather shoes, your round glasses, the late hours. my daydreaming, my stupid assuming, your confirming smiles. to me its all so romantic. because of you i go home smiling every day

every evening when i leave, you stay behind, reading. i have to walk right past you to get to my locker. you always say goodbye, and when i turn around, you´re there, smiling. it drives me crazy, i think i have to get to know you

mandag 25. oktober 2010


you used to make me face my fears. once you took me out into the night in the middle of winter. the area around your house was so dark. there was snow everywhere and i was scared to death of going to the lake. i was freezing in my thin coat and barefoot in my shoes. but you told me it would be ok, and even though it was dark and scary and absolutely freezing i did feel ok with you there. the lake was completely covered in darkness, and you dared me to walk over the ice. i must have hesitated a thousand times. but while we were in the middle of the lake, with the ice underneath us, with only dark trees and silence around, you took my hand and we danced. it was some kind of waltz, and you sang

and i whispered please wont you sing that verse one more time

ph: here

søndag 24. oktober 2010


so i wake up thinking god i wish you were here. i get in the shower, try to sing songs that doesn't remind me of you, put my dress on, my red hat and my stockings, put todays morning paper in my bag, i go out, its sunny, you're not there, i keep hoping i´ll run in to you by accident

i like the sound of my shoes against the asphalt, i walk up the street, past the cafe we used to go to for breakfast, past your house, your door, your doorbell and your last name on the sign. i stop for a second and i wonder if your home right now, and i battle the wish to call you

i continue walking, feeling quite happy, confident, except for the feeling of you missing, and the continuos discomfort of wondering if i´ll ever even kiss you again

i get to the market, i am there alone this time, i look at the clothes, the books, the furniture, all the time looking up hoping that you´ll be there too, but you never appear

so i sit down in a beautiful chair from the 60´s to read the paper, drink coffee and listen to the marching band. its so nice to be alone, but so painful knowing that just a few months ago you would have been sitting in the chair next to me, and we would joke about our future living room and what it would look like

ph: here

fredag 22. oktober 2010

last night

last night on my way home i walked past your house. it was impossible not to think of all the nights
we´ve spent lying in your pleated sheets, talking and declaring our love. reading out loud to each other from books we were fond of, while filling the room with smoke and ashes and all our thoughts

it was so hard to walk by without calling you, but when i had done it, i realized that i´m ok. i will find someone right one day, but its not you. and meanwhile i´ll just have to wait for the ache to let go

ph: hedi slimane

onsdag 20. oktober 2010


and while i walked up the hill to meet you, wearing my red hat and black leather shoes, i was well aware that in just a few minutes we would be lying in my bed just overpowered by the attraction, that i would feel insecure, and that you would be lying there with you eyes closed, smiling and looking so god damned happy, and that my only hope would be that i would be able to make you smile like that for a long long time

and after i remember us sitting underneath the amazingly big tree in the park between our houses. it was around midnight  and i told you about the branches and how they reminded me of wings, and you leaned up against me and kissed me with the greatest affection. and i was in awe

ph: here

tirsdag 19. oktober 2010


we met for a glass of wine, the whole time i was staring at you across the table and it made me so weak, like you could ask me to do anything and i would do it. i just wanted to be near you. we stared at each other, our knees almost touched under the table. you smiled, i felt sick. i could hardly drink my wine

after wine we sat down at the church steps nearby to have a cigarette, and i kept watching the smoke drifting around you, you looked almost fairytale like. the beautiful autumn leaves, the ground, the smell, the cars passing by, and the people standing just down the road. i could hardly notice them, i was in a different place, one where there was just us, and just for a little while there i wasn't heartbroken at all

søndag 17. oktober 2010


we talked all night and fell asleep with our clothes on. i woke up to your lovely sleeping sounds and your gentle hand on my waist. still i wished you were someone else                        

is there something wrong with me?                                      

ph: here

lørdag 16. oktober 2010


yes, tonight i´ll be in my best suit and i am hoping this city will show me its best side. right now i am so into avant garde literature straight from oslo´s shadiest alleys and i am so inspired

ph: here

fredag 15. oktober 2010


today is a beautiful one. i have terminated all my university reading plans and i am off to sit in the sun. these days i am dreaming of small apartments in big cities with fringe lampshades and a nice reading chair. i have only been in norway for 3 months, and i already feel restless.

in my mind i keep debating if i want to see you again or not. i think i´ll have to go with not.

she said it would only make me feel noxious, that she knew me well, that i had to let it go. i kicked a stone and realized that she was right. we bought a glass of orange juice and sat down by the fountain. in my mind it kept spinning but she had already made the choice for me. it was exactly what i needed.

ph: here

onsdag 13. oktober 2010

love declaration

autumn, i love you

mandag 11. oktober 2010

your house

i used to wait until i saw your car pull up in our driveway and you had turned off the lights. i ran because it was in the middle of winter and i never had enough clothes on. i sat in the car next to you and we always spent some time rewinding the cassette in your dads car so that we could listen to the songs we liked the best on the way to your house. and we sang so loud we were almost screaming

you had a huge brown jacket, enough to fit us both in it when i was too cold and we where walking up the hill to get to your house. you lived in the middle of the forest and i remember the sky always being so starry bright and the snow twinkling around us. to me it was a magical place, you never really got comfortable living there

and you were always so cool with your hair all over the place and your oversized shirts. your skin reminded me of silk-paper, your eyes were light blue and sort of mystical in a way. i loved the way you sat on the chair with your legs crossed, leaning back smiling for no apparent reason. i think you were happy


søndag 10. oktober 2010


you kissed me on the forehead and left.  i felt empty. how can attraction be so mindblowingly intense? i don't think i`ll ever figure you out. you played with my hair and told me it had to be over. i said i couldn't take it anymore anyway. i looked out the window, into your eyes and out the window again

you asked me if i could feel it. i lied and said no. none of us said a word. i wish i could delete you from my head

the energy filled the whole room. it almost made me tremble. the curtains the floor the bed. i wanted to lie there with you one second and the next i was cursing you in my mind

while tying your shoes you looked up at me, and i leaned against the wall thinking god i wish this could be easier. i told you over and over that i thought you were an idiot. in my head i was screaming why cant you see how great i am? i tried to seem casual about it, but i don't think it worked

watching you walk down the stairs on your way out i closed the door, sat down on the floor listening to your footsteps in the hallway becoming more and more distant. i didn't cry, but it felt like my insides could explode any second, and even though i kept telling myself that this was for the best, i knew that when i went to bed that night, my pillow would still be smelling of you, and that i wouldn't want to change the sheets

ph: hannah metz

lørdag 9. oktober 2010

tilda you know

ph: 1. unknown 2. Glen Luchford Dazed and confused

such a unique look

fredag 8. oktober 2010

care free

sitting outside for hours and hours being hungry and cold and wanting to go to the toilet but all that had to wait because of the moment we were in

smoking feeling holding your head in my hands

the sun setting and the clouds closing in on us, your burgundy-red shirt and my blue nail polish just starting to come off. i admired your freckles closely and you asked me if this please could just last. a few months later it was over, but you and your gentle soft look have never stopped being what i compare others to

meeting half way and climbing through your window. elbows touching and the smell of cigarettes and cheap wine spilling all over you. running through gardens, rolling on grass while screaming god i wish this could last forever

that feeling. its so long ago but it still knocks me over

oh yoko

ph: Allan Tannenbaum

buenos aires oslo new york istanbul. cities are so god damned fascinating. 
the different vibes, the different people

torsdag 7. oktober 2010

let me down 2

when in the middle of all the asking thinking analyzing and knowing, you realize it was never really working at all. seduction can be a powerful drug, and when you find yourself waking up from it all, you find it hard to believe that you´ve really put up with that kind of uncertainty

when remembering how you played with my hair while i pretended to be asleep, my heart sobs a little. of all the times i´ve been lost in someone, no one has ever made me feel so small before

ph: here

in retrospect i know that amongst all the admiring, laughing and listening, in the middle of all the amazing silence and the overwhelming energy in the room, it was never really based on anything else than exactly what was in that room. your books, your striped shirts, your uncertain self, and me (trying to hard)

onsdag 6. oktober 2010

let me down

it is easy to watch someone from afar and automatically make up a story in your head about how perfect you could be together. not knowing the person makes it so much easier. but when getting to know them, and realizing they are all wrong for you, it can be quite a challenge to accept it. its supposed to make sense, isn't it?

never forgetting how your eyes reminded me of animal eyes when i watched you sleep, and never forgetting how you always kissed me on the forehead when you had to leave. little things can make a huge difference but only for so long

tirsdag 5. oktober 2010


you look like an autonomous french-inspired crossing between a university-intellectual and a thriftstore regular. you have the most intense look that is strict and kind at the same time, how can i survive it?

walking down the street in my grey platted coat i saw you sitting by the side of the road waiting for me, and i felt so insanely nervous that everything would be different this time, there was no logic reason why that would happen, it must have been an expression of the side of me that was scared to death of losing you 


attraction can be so many things. attraction to intellect, looks, energy or feeling. or a combination. i always find myself questioning what kind of attraction i am feeling towards a person. how do you know its not just superficial? or is knowing that you could gaze into the persons eyes for hours enough?

i want to look up and find that you are enough to fulfill every aspect of what this relationship needs to be.

ph: herfra

mandag 4. oktober 2010


if i could only live here i would be one happy woman


feeling nostalgic is aloud you say. well i say that its painful either way. barefoot and stepping on tiny little stones that hurt when they cut your feet, just enough not to make you bleed. and a warm helping hand leading you through the gardens just before midnight to make sure you get home in time

and when home safe in bed you try falling asleep while the roof and the walls around you are spinning and spinning, and you manage to feel happy even though you're secretly wishing for a good night kiss from the one person who is in love with someone else

ph: here and here

oh hedi hedi

not thinking of your neck and how it smells is oh so hard. i just want to scrape it off your body and keep it in my bag so i can smell it whenever i start missing you when sitting in solitude in the reading hall

ph: hedi slimane


running running in the middle of the night with your previously best friend. as your feet touch the ground you just wish everything was back to normal again. smoking one sigarette after another and drinking cherry liqueur straight from the bottle, while listening to music that makes you think of forests filled with fireflies and a shore with waves so strong they could crush you into pure bones and flesh. you are breaking the rules, you are breaking the rules, but it feels so good

ph: hedi slimane

gotta love nan

nice glasses eva

ph: hanneli mustaparta