søndag 28. november 2010


he asked me if we could meet this christmas. i feel impatient. he was freezing, i almost put my arms around him. he makes me giggle like a fourteen year old

he keeps saying my name, i love to hear him say it. i am insecure i´ll read to much into it, in to him, but i cant help looking forward to every day i know ill see him again

every sound he makes, every look he gives me, every accidental touch between us, every single word exchanged. it makes me so impatient. i want to know if this is for real

it is hard being impatient when the best thing to do is be the opposite

and while sitting in the reading hall he sent me a text saying he´d love to kiss me outside in the snow. and i almost died


so i told him i had been admiring him form a distance the whole semester. he told me he had wanted to get to know me for a long time. we were standing outside a cafe alone in the snowing winter cold and i could barely keep on my feet when he leaned over and kissed me

i leaned up against the wall and he held me while he kissed me. my whole body just gave in, and when done kissing he looked at me and said; thank you for a fantastic evening. and i said god you're great. just like that


mandag 22. november 2010

for real?

as i walked past you i mentioned i was leaving, i went and said goodbye to the others and when i finally walked down the stairs you were standing there waiting for me. i thought you had left, you said. well i didn't, i answered

we walked together across the park, you asked me so many questions, i was nervous. we laughed, i wanted to touch you. you looked at me, i wanted to tell you how i felt

waiting feeling longing knowing hoping looking thinking wanting

you sat right across from me, and i was surprised how easy it was to talk to you, i worried if i had something between my teeth, and when i had to go the other way i heard you whispering my name after me

i had no idea you knew my name


søndag 21. november 2010


you called me up and told me goodbye. i had to have known this was to good to be true, i had to have known i was just being seduced again, by you. i am through, and i am surprised  how easy it as been knowing that you are no longer part of my life. maybe it is because you said you wanted to be, and i shut you down. i don´t know

but i opened the café door, stepped out on the sidewalk and i felt a bit lighter, it was freezing cold, but i reached in my bag for my camera, and took a picture of my shoes touching the asphalt. i liked the smell in the air of winter and i didn't dread the thought of facing it without you

when i got to the faculty i met green in the cafeteria. i have never spoken to him before. he smiled, he asked if i wanted to eat with him. i could hardly hear what he was saying because his lips and eyelashes and dark lovely hair just put me out of play

so i sit here, look over to his chair every ten minutes, try to look as if i am concentrated, have a sip of water now and then, feel my heart pounding extra fast every time he walks by. i can recognize his walk just by the sound of it, and i find myself wondering if we would have worked, if he´s a nice guy, or just another one of those who will step on your heart without thinking twice

ph: here

torsdag 11. november 2010


love this still from the film Three (1969). wow she looked so great when she was young. still does

ph: here

tirsdag 9. november 2010


so you stepped into my life all over again. for the thousandth time. yesterday i walked past your house again, this time i rang your doorbell, you answered sounding happy. and i entered your little universe again. your shirts, your smell, your cigarette-lights in the darkness across the room. i don't know how long i can stand it for

being yours but not entirely. again

i´m sitting here, in the city. all the chandeliers are lit up, and i play the same record over and over again. i love and hate the winter at the same time. love how it makes people so appreciative of the ones they love, lives aren't just fun in the sun anymore, and hate how it makes loneliness a million times harder to handle

and i hope that maybe, just maybe you will appreciate me for real this time, even though my subconscious keeps telling me that i am just being fooled again. deep down i have no idea if i can ever trust you. dirty socks, empty ashtrays and forgotten words, thats what i´ll be left with if you shut me out again. but then it will be for the last fucking time

søndag 7. november 2010


i avoided the party because i knew you would be there, i kept convincing myself i was getting over you, i tried my best not to daydream of you, your laughter, your touch, your energy. i did all the things everyone told me would help, got drunk, danced night after night away, kissed and admired others. i told myself i was managing this

when i woke up saturday morning you were standing on my doorstep. it was so cold outside and i opened the door only wearing my morning gown. and you looked like someone from a movie, with your hat, your cigarette and your long coat. i looked into your eyes and started crying

and it was as if i had been acting for such a long time, trying to convince myself i was doing ok. you wrapped your arms around me and whispered that you felt it too. and i couldn't feel the freezing cold anymore, all i could feel was your hands caressing my back, and your kisses on my forehead

ph: here

onsdag 3. november 2010

tirsdag 2. november 2010


one night we decided to leave town for a little while. we got in your tiny little boat, filled it up with blankets, books, red wine and vanilla biscuits. i had my yellow flip flops on and was scared to death of jellyfish

we made it out to a small island just two hours away. there were no people there, no wind, no lights, no expectations. and we spent the entire night lying on our backs, smoking, reminiscing, admiring the sky while discussing all sorts of heartbreaking subjects

i remember waking up at sunset, and i watched as the rays of light filled our little space more and more. you looked so sad while you were sleeping, and i wondered if i could ever love you the way you loved me. i kissed your eyelids to wake you up, and that sleepy old look you had on is still impossible to forget


ok, so i´ve stared at you from afar the whole semester. admired your walk, your features, your glasses. i strategically place myself behind you on lectures, just to find myself daydreaming of your neck and how amazing it must smell

i feel fourteen again