back

you called me up and told me goodbye. i had to have known this was to good to be true, i had to have known i was just being seduced again, by you. i am through, and i am surprised  how easy it as been knowing that you are no longer part of my life. maybe it is because you said you wanted to be, and i shut you down. i don´t know


but i opened the café door, stepped out on the sidewalk and i felt a bit lighter, it was freezing cold, but i reached in my bag for my camera, and took a picture of my shoes touching the asphalt. i liked the smell in the air of winter and i didn't dread the thought of facing it without you

when i got to the faculty i met green in the cafeteria. i have never spoken to him before. he smiled, he asked if i wanted to eat with him. i could hardly hear what he was saying because his lips and eyelashes and dark lovely hair just put me out of play

so i sit here, look over to his chair every ten minutes, try to look as if i am concentrated, have a sip of water now and then, feel my heart pounding extra fast every time he walks by. i can recognize his walk just by the sound of it, and i find myself wondering if we would have worked, if he´s a nice guy, or just another one of those who will step on your heart without thinking twice

ph: here

charlotte

love this still from the film Three (1969). wow she looked so great when she was young. still does



ph: here

again

so you stepped into my life all over again. for the thousandth time. yesterday i walked past your house again, this time i rang your doorbell, you answered sounding happy. and i entered your little universe again. your shirts, your smell, your cigarette-lights in the darkness across the room. i don't know how long i can stand it for

being yours but not entirely. again

i´m sitting here, in the city. all the chandeliers are lit up, and i play the same record over and over again. i love and hate the winter at the same time. love how it makes people so appreciative of the ones they love, lives aren't just fun in the sun anymore, and hate how it makes loneliness a million times harder to handle

and i hope that maybe, just maybe you will appreciate me for real this time, even though my subconscious keeps telling me that i am just being fooled again. deep down i have no idea if i can ever trust you. dirty socks, empty ashtrays and forgotten words, thats what i´ll be left with if you shut me out again. but then it will be for the last fucking time

weakness

i avoided the party because i knew you would be there, i kept convincing myself i was getting over you, i tried my best not to daydream of you, your laughter, your touch, your energy. i did all the things everyone told me would help, got drunk, danced night after night away, kissed and admired others. i told myself i was managing this

when i woke up saturday morning you were standing on my doorstep. it was so cold outside and i opened the door only wearing my morning gown. and you looked like someone from a movie, with your hat, your cigarette and your long coat. i looked into your eyes and started crying

and it was as if i had been acting for such a long time, trying to convince myself i was doing ok. you wrapped your arms around me and whispered that you felt it too. and i couldn't feel the freezing cold anymore, all i could feel was your hands caressing my back, and your kisses on my forehead


























ph: here

look

simply love audrey´s look on these photos

away

one night we decided to leave town for a little while. we got in your tiny little boat, filled it up with blankets, books, red wine and vanilla biscuits. i had my yellow flip flops on and was scared to death of jellyfish

we made it out to a small island just two hours away. there were no people there, no wind, no lights, no expectations. and we spent the entire night lying on our backs, smoking, reminiscing, admiring the sky while discussing all sorts of heartbreaking subjects

i remember waking up at sunset, and i watched as the rays of light filled our little space more and more. you looked so sad while you were sleeping, and i wondered if i could ever love you the way you loved me. i kissed your eyelids to wake you up, and that sleepy old look you had on is still impossible to forget

distance

ok, so i´ve stared at you from afar the whole semester. admired your walk, your features, your glasses. i strategically place myself behind you on lectures, just to find myself daydreaming of your neck and how amazing it must smell

i feel fourteen again

late

a few years after our brake up, you started texting me again. you wanted to meet, and i suggested we´d meet at the beach. it was early september, warm days and cold nights. i got there first, i went to the highest rock and sat down on top of it, yellow sky and quiet sea

i heard your footsteps behind me and i hesitated to turn around, you sat down next to me without saying a word. we were the only people there. i looked at you, i felt noxious. you stared at me for a few seconds and then you started talking about your last few years, how they had been so turbulent. and i had to remind myself over and over that kissing you was a bad idea

you lit a cigarette, i didn't want one. i told you that i had thought about you a lot. you asked if we could ever be something again. we both knew that it would never work. and i watched you smile again, smoke again, laugh again. and i battled the wish to touch you again, kiss you again, love you again

the yellow light made sure you looked your best. you answered all my questions, i felt like i had never really known you. your hair, your neck, the energy around you, the sun, the waves, a feeling of doing something illegal. i had no idea that it was so easy to suddenly find myself in the middle of it again, in the middle of you

ph:here

reading hall romance

ok, so i spend these days at the university. reading, trying to reflect. and just a few days ago i noticed you across the room. you make me look forward to every single day a bit more than usual. you have the nicest smile and you send me looks that i know are only meant for me

i love how you look so into what you're studying

the books, the stolen stares, your leather shoes, your round glasses, the late hours. my daydreaming, my stupid assuming, your confirming smiles. to me its all so romantic. because of you i go home smiling every day

every evening when i leave, you stay behind, reading. i have to walk right past you to get to my locker. you always say goodbye, and when i turn around, you´re there, smiling. it drives me crazy, i think i have to get to know you

bold

you used to make me face my fears. once you took me out into the night in the middle of winter. the area around your house was so dark. there was snow everywhere and i was scared to death of going to the lake. i was freezing in my thin coat and barefoot in my shoes. but you told me it would be ok, and even though it was dark and scary and absolutely freezing i did feel ok with you there. the lake was completely covered in darkness, and you dared me to walk over the ice. i must have hesitated a thousand times. but while we were in the middle of the lake, with the ice underneath us, with only dark trees and silence around, you took my hand and we danced. it was some kind of waltz, and you sang

and i whispered please wont you sing that verse one more time

ph: here